How to Have That Difficult Conversation with Your Boss: 3 Steps to Lead You to Productive Conversations



 

In one study investigating employee experiences with speaking up, 85% of respondents reported at least one occasion when they felt unable to raise a concern with their bosses, even though they believed the issue was important.”
― 
Amy C. Edmondson

 

 

Conversations with people at work have a strong impact on our careers, stronger than we imagine. Well at least stronger than I ever imagined during my younger days.

 

How you conduct yourself during that conversation, present your argument/ opinion and how you receive the other person’s response; all play a huge part in shaping your career.

 

Through the years, while I outwardly presented myself as a confident, young executive; I often had an internal tussle going on for me. I was always unsure of how to present my thoughts or arguments, especially with someone senior to me.

 

I was nervous about how an opinion from me would be received by my manager, how my HR manager would react if I asked them for a raise, how do I have a meaningful discussion with other teams with whom I interact with and ask them to step up their game? 


I often imagined the outcome of such conversations to be negative and therefore more often than not, avoided them like the plague. Of course, it wasn’t as though I'd never have those conversations, it’s just that they weren’t something I particularly looked forward to or felt I was good at.  


 

“Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter."

-       Martin Luther King Jr.

 

 

And yet, there are times, when one needs to have those chats. Now, when I look back at my career, I wish I’d possessed the skills and the confidence to have had some really important conversations. All I needed at that time was the conviction that what I had to say was significant and the belief that it would be heard the way I wished it to be heard.

 

Most often than not, it’s imperative that we get something off of our chests, we speak our truths, or we simply stand up for ourselves.

 

During those occasions how amazing would it be, to have that tough conversation, doing the best we can and then to leave the outcome to be what it is to be.

 

Learn how to have that conversation in 3 simple steps. This involves some preparatory work initially, but I am fairly certain that once, you’re well versed with the process, it’ll come to you naturally in time.

 

1.     First center yourself. Take a few deep breaths. Inhale through your nose and exhale from your mouth. As you exhale, feel for any tension within the body and release it as it each breath leaves your being. Watch your thoughts slow down with each breath taken.

 

2.     Now closing your eyes, imagine the person with whom you want to have this conversation. Imagine them to be sitting in front of you. You can also imagine a mentor – this can be someone either real, divine or made of your imagination; someone in whose wisdom you trust, standing over the two of you, creating that safe space if needed.

 

a.     Now have that conversation out loud. Direct your words to the person you imagined sitting in front of you.  Empty out your heart, mind, frustrations, opinions, asks; whatever it is you want to speak with that person. Have that ideal conversation that you’d want to have in reality with the person concerned.  

 

b.     Once you’re done saying your piece, now allow the other person to speak. If you like, physically change places with them, sit where the imagined person sat in front of you.

 

c.     Take on the personality of the other person. Sit like them, breathe like them; if you like, even take on the tone and or mannerisms of their speech. Tune into his/her energy. And, then let them speak, allow them their own voice and speak out what you think they will have to say.

 

d.     If you have any responses to what they have to say to you, allow yourself to speak back to them. Remember to shake off their energy, say your name out loud and then speak as yourself. Continue this process until both sides are done.

 

e.     Lastly, check if the Mentor has anything to say to the two of you, either separately or together. And, listen what the mentor has to say as advice.

 

3.     Lastly, speak the intention of your conversation with the person out loud as an intention or a prayer if you’d like and set it free. Do this knowing that you’re going to do the best you can in the conversation and not be attached to the outcome of the conversation.

 

 

Having done this prior to your actual, in person conversation with your boss, step into the situation applying whatever you have learned from this exercise and know that you are doing the best you can in terms of standing up for yourself.

 

Set yourself free from any prior anxiety. Set yourself free from any expectation of the outcome. Go forth and speak your truth without hesitation or any doubt in what you are doing. Notice the shift in energy that takes place from within and externally.

 

Compare the difference in your earlier attempts at such conversations and the one that has just taken place. What was different? Did you behave any differently? Was the conversation well received, how about the person you were speaking with, was there any positive outcome that took place?

 

And remember:

 

Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.

-       Winston Churchill

 

As you learn to have those tough conversations, always remember that your part in those conversations is also to sit and listen; whether it is you who’s leading the conversation or the other way around.

 


And as always, feel free to use this link to book a complimentary, no obligation, 45 mins consultation call with me. I'd love to have a chat with you and see whether this method has been useful to you or not. 

 


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